It’s been on my mind for the past year actually, where I’ve been questioning whether or not I’m actually helping the people I supposedly ‘lead’.
This week is the first time that I’ve given the reigns to other people, in terms of them organising the activity. It hasn’t been easy. I know I’m nick-picky and want everything organised well, so standing back and watching them do the work is a bit of a test for me.
I’ve stepped back and let things be sorted, but now I’m in a hard place.
On one hand
people don’t respond to emails or come to meetings
they leave it to the very very very last minute to do things
they say great ideas but then they do nothing about them
they say that they’re going to do things but then i see them the next day and they say, oh I’ll do it tonight
On the other, if I just let things be:
they’re going to get pissed because things didn’t turn out the way that they /expected/ (but not the way they actually planned it)
and then they’ll bitch or joke about how it was some other person’s fault
and then I’ll have to say it to their face that damn girl, it was your mistake
the people who the event is planned for will turn to me for fault, mainly because I’ve been the one who has sent all these emails that they should have done
I get it if you’re reluctant to do things because you’re being forced to, but hey, you’re not. You put your hand up for this position and you have the responsibility to do what the role entails. There’s no fucking point going for this role if you don’t put your heart into it and you’re only doing it to put onto your CV, let someone else with a genuine passion take the role.
I think the worst part is that the massive thing that they’ve overlooked is actually a very intimidating teacher, who we need to get on the good side of. I don’t even know if they’ve asked for their permission to do this, hell we don’t even know who will turn up because they sent the details so late/they sent the details to freaking everyone.
It feels like they’re helping to empty the trash can but leaving a trail of shit as they walk, which i have to clean up after.
But is that what a ‘leader’ is? Helping to clean up rather than to guide the party?
We’ll find out tomorrow.